I just had an idea... I'm not sure if it's a good one or not... but too bad! I'm trying it anyways.


Prolog:

Three people huddled around the sturdy wooden table. Through the wide windows, the moon was out. It was late at night, but the three were deep in an arguement, showing no signs of slowing down.

"I don't care if she is the most talented girl in thee country! We can not take her!"

"And why not? Because she isn't a noble?" A stubborn female voice asked.

"Yes!" Answered the first voice, a hard male voice. "We haven't had a common page in the 400 years of Tortall! We can't start now."

A cool, calm male voice broke in. "Lord HaMinch, Katulen Smith has been staying with the baron of Lorden Valley! I is not like she was just plucked off the streets!"

The first man, Lord HaMinch, looked skeptical. "Lorden Valley? Aren't they the traitors who told that Scanran how to get into Tortall? The one who almost blew up the castle?"

"This poor girl had nothing to do with that! The letter says she has lived with the Baron for 6 months- this happened a year ago!"


Ok I have to go to be continued

This could be very interesting! I also like your writing style. There are just a few little problems.

[] The name is a lot like Tammy's title, so I would suggest changing it. If you hit "Edit" at the end of the post can change that.

[] Putting a space between each paragraph makes it easier to read.

[] When Lord Wyldon retired (Protector of the Small: Squire) there had been no other girl pages.

[] If you want something italic or bold or underlined, you use brackets, not < and >

Hope this helps!!!

  

Okay thanks for the critique. Do you know if the books say who was after Lord Wyldon?

It was Padcha HaMinichi, I think. Don't remeber how to spell the first name. And till he could arive, Gary filled in for him.

  

Padraig haMinch--"Old blood, conservative, and a Minchi." That's what the Stump had to say about Padraig, so you can bet he's stuffy. We should call him Pebbles, (you know, like a small rock) it's kinda endearing, wouldn't you say?

Pebbles=} *cracks up laughing, and can't stop for atleast a hour*

  

Alanna the Lioness's voice was louder than the two men.

Lord HaMinch would not be swayed. "This girl, Katulen. She was born and raised in the Corus Slums! Would she be good for the pages?"

"Not everyone in the slums are bad!" The far away look in Alanna's eyes made King Jonathan guess who she was thinking about- George Cooper, Baron of Pirate's Swoop and husband of Alanna.

"We can't have her here? What if all the children from the Slums decided they want to be knights?" HaMinch's face was turning chartreuse.

"That would be a good thing! The country would be much safer!" shot back Alanna. The two voices grew louder, and more heated.

Jonathan could sense the two stubborn knights were getting fair angry. He also knew he should end this fight before it escalates.

"Please!" He shouted. HaMinch and Alanna looked up, surprised. In their arguement, they'd almost forgotten King Jonathan was there. "Remember Lady Keladry?" They both nodded. "We had a compromise for her. Can we make one for Katulen?"

Alana did not understand. "Do we have to put her on probation?"

HaMinch did. "Let's keep her away from the Slums. She'll forget about the past."

Jonathan doubted that would work, but it would help solve the problem. She was sponsored by a noble. It would create a fuss if we didn't listen.
"Fine."

I really like this!!!!! Please, post more!

  

I don't know where Lorden valley is, but guessing from the Baron's involvement with Scanra, it sounds like it's in the North. How did Katey go from the Lower City to the outskirts of Tortall? Who is her sponsor? Not the traitorous Duke! He'd be too busy 'proving his loyalty to the king' (via lots of expensive gifts during Progress). This isn't really a criticism, just something I'm curious about.

I could totally see if Katey was maybe an illegitimate offspring of some noble; it'd make her request to be a page a little more reasonable. As for her Lower City upbringing—it sounds interesting.

I want to meet Katey! There’s been a lot of good buildup, now let’s see her!

Btw, the country wouldn’t be “more safe” it would be “safer.” Also, what does this mean, “He also knew he she end this fight before it escalates.”

Anyway, I think we should change the account to “EVIL grammar freak” sorry if I’m harsh; no one’s perfect—not even grammar freaks. I see tons of typos when I go back and reread my stories (I usually wince in pain and look away).

I'm a Grammar Freak!!!

Answers to your questions: (I'm sorry I can't tell you very much, but some of your questions have to do with the plotline)

Lorden Valley I just made up, because it suits my needs for the story. It is up north. And, if, like you said, the Baron is 'proving his loyalty to the king', he'll probably go to Corus. And, you'll find out later, Katey was pretty notorious in the Lower City. And the Baron and his family sort of-adopted Katey. And for your last request. I am writing chapter 1 and it will be posted today or tomorrow. I fixed the gramatical mistakes. Thanks for the critique!

Acctually, I like 'Katey: The Story Without a Title' alot! It's different, and unique.